The bottom line s been snorted
The bottom card s been dealt
No one knows like you know right now
How truly bad it felt
All your life you wasted, oh
Dreamin about the day
When worker bees kill off their queen
And carry all her eggs away
CHORUS
Oh, and if you die fearing God
And painfully employed
No, you will not go to heaven
You ll go to Champaign, Illinois
Up north is Chicago
Where booze makes no one blush
Memory comes back to you
In a double bourbon rush
The memories aren t all bad
And neither, my friend, are you
There is an argument that there must be some heaven meant
For hearts that are half true
CHORUS
And if you spend your whole life
Rollin horses into Troy
No, you will not go to heaven
You ll go to Champaign, Illinois
No, you will not go to heaven
You ll go to Champaign, Illinois
Roll on blacktop highway
Circles toward the sun
Springfield s in the distance
And that s the last big one
After that comes judgment
And judgment will be swift
You will be eliminated
But here s a parting gift
CHORUS
Oh, and if you die fearing God
And painfully employed
No, you will not go to heaven
You ll go to Champaign, Illinois