The Arrogant Worms - If I Were Prime Minister
If I were Prime Minister, I d transform the land
All things would be glorious, under my firm strong hand
I d enlarge Prince Edward Island, and shrink the tax on booze
If I were Prime Minister, the Leafs would never lose
If I were Prime Minister, French and English, would be gone
There d be no more two solitudes cause we d all speak Klingon
And I d give my buddies jobs, they weren t qualified for
Wait, I m so sorry, I think that s been done before
If I were Prime Minister, Canadians would tan
In the Gulf of Mexico, where I d put Newfoundland
If I were Prime Minister, I would use my power
To finally make the donut, our official flower
And I d make it illegal to sit and bitch and whine
Though that might leave Canadians with too much spare time
And I would be Prime Minister if only for one flaw
I don t think that I could ever live in Ottowa
If I were, If I were, If I were Prime Minister (repeat)
I d bathe in Maple syrup and I d have a talking moose
And Mounties would massage me to keep me nice and loose
I d get rid of the Queen, replace her with my cat
Appointment to the Senate would be trial by combat
I d solve all the problems of this country s apparatus
By granting every person, nation status
I d encourage global warming, move the jetstream further north
And I d ban all politicians, except for me of course
If I were, If I were, If I were Prime Minister
I d be super great, and you d all
If I were, If I were, If I were Prime Minister
love me, you d have to, cause I d make it the law