Band: Woodbox Gang
Album: Trashcan Americana
Savage Wiener Dogs
VERSE 1
A gang of savage wiener dogs terrorized Lester s home
He wanted them to go away and leave his cats alone
He could barely muster up the courage to go out and fetch his mail
If his cats weren t declawed they could whip those wiener dog tails
VERSE 2
One day as Lester was watching the gang a plan entered his mind
He thought he could turn his kitties into super strength felines
He could fashion for them Freddy Krueger gloves with razor nails
And with their mighty jaws and fearsome claws they could whip those wiener dog tails
VERSE 3
Lester went to his garage where his tools have hung for years
He found a broken rake and a pair of rusty shears
He went to work with a hacksaw and a file for the lawnmower blade
His kitties watched and wondered at the awesome tools he made
VERSE 4
First was spry young Fluffles he was eager for his wrath
Lester placed the gloves on Fluffles and Fluffles he took a bath
He licked his paw and wiped his ear the blood ran from his brain
They all stood around the brave young soldier swearing his death wouldn t be in vain
VERSE 5
Next was Madam Meow she was a proud and noble snuggler
Lester placed the gloves on both her feet she scratched a hole right in her jugular
They stood around the brave young soldiers who gave their lives to freedom from wieners
There was one kitty left never was there a kitty meaner
VERSE 6
His name was Jack the Bastard he never sat in Lester s Lap
He lived on the roof and barked at cars he was never known to nap
His eyes were green but they never blinked and they glowed in the dark
Jack didn t seem all that concerned about wiener dogs in the yard
VERSE 7
First he looked at Madam Meow and he looked at foolish Fluffles
He looked at Lester and his tools Lester knew he was in trouble
He swished his tail and growled a little then he leaped like an old bullfrog
He chased Lester into the yard where he surrendered to the gang of wiener dogs
VERSE 8
Then Jack walked out of the house carrying two cats all sliced up
The wiener dogs they bowed their heads and they cried like pups
Lester wanted to the thank old Jack for preventing his miserable doom
But Jack he growled and ran to the roof and howled all night at the moon