As I camped out one evening to take the midnight air
I heard a maiden grieving from somewhere over there
Who is it you are mourning; for whom do you wear grey?
She said I pine for no one - I just can t pay my way.
Ever since the chattering classes invaded Hebden Bridge
And priced the likes of me and mine to the pots of the Pennine Ridge
To South East Wales I was forced to flee and now I have no job
That s why tonight I m sitting on top of Lord Hereford s Knob.
For you I d waive expenses to try and help you out
For your beauty influences the landscape hereabouts
Look up my betrothed at Three s; be sure she ll see you right
While I go up to Yorkshire and there avenge your plight.
Soon reports were filtering through to me the pair were drowning in bliss
I can t recall having ever been cuckolded quite like this
I gave up hope ironically for Lent,
Come see me living in a bivvie if you re ever up Pen-Y-Ghent.
Although upon reflection I ve been a trifle green
I still think with affection on everything that s been
So prepare that fatted calf and string up the bunting gay
Your brisk and bonny ploughboy is coming home today.
And tonight he ll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford s Knob.
Tonight he ll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford s Knob.
On touching the trig point I found my thrill
To the east Brokeback Mountain, to the west Benny Hill
I ll give you the grid ref - you might like to go:
SO2 24350.
Could this be heaven, would that be the Severn?
Twampa, Twampa, you re gonna need a jumper,
It gets a bit chilly on top of Lord Hereford s Knob.
Tonight he ll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford s Knob.
All of our songs sound the same;
Tonight he ll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford s Knob.
I m keeping two chevrons apart;
Tonight he ll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford s Knob.
You re the reason why paradise lost;
Tonight he ll be sitting on top of Lord Hereford s Knob.
